I never thought I'd be writing these words, especially here, but now is the time.
The engagement has been called off. It's been a few weeks now, and as my heart grows stronger, I realize that all of this was for a reason.
I have so many thoughts in my head right now, and maybe, just maybe, if I put them here it will give my mind room to breathe...
Never in a million years did I see myself as this woman I am today. I have learned some valuable lessons lately. I am different now. This is what I want to share...
1. You can love someone and not be with them. I love him still. I think I always will. I hope that someday something will come along and fill up the empty corners in my heart that this ending has left behind. At the same time, he will always have his own special place in my heart. I will keep him there always...
2. This was not a mistake. He was put in my life for a reason. I needed to learn some lessons, rather harsh ones I suppose, but still, I needed to learn. He taught me to be patient and understanding. He taught me that the world is a huge place and it is full of people searching for someone to love them back. He taught me that nothing is better than being in the arms of someone you love, and when they leave, they take a part of you with them that you will never get back. Hopefully, he keeps that part close to his heart and remembers how much he is loved.
3. There are a lot of people on my side cheering me on. My family and friends are amazing. They have been so caring and supportive and behind me every step of the way. The ice cream delivered to my door, the box of Kleenex left on my desk, my sister showing up to kidnap me and then being sweet enough to take my dress to her house so I wouldn't have to deal with it...the trip to the mall, the blessing from my brother, the home teachers "just stopping by"... these are not accidents. These are the people who love me showing their support for me. Just letting me know they are there to lean on when I don't feel strong enough to stand.
4. Though times are hard, I will stay faithful. My faith is what is holding me together at this point. It would be easy to do what the world wants me to do... I could lock myself in my room with a bottle of booze and drown out my sorrows... What good does that do, anyway? Then I'd just be sad and sick...I just know that no matter what happens or how bad it seems, there is nothing so bad that I should abandon my faith. How blessed I am to be able to go and sit in a holy temple and feel my Father's love. He has shown me that a broken and tender heart is more in tuned to his promptings, and that if I listen closely He will ease my sorrow. I have had answers to my prayers and a peace in my heart at times when I thought I was alone in this world. I also know that if I just trust and obey in the Plan it will all work out. How, I don't know, but it will definitely work out.
5. My Father in Heaven is aware of me. He loves me. He wants me to be happy. I need to do my best to make sure that it happens. Therefore, I will keep on doing what I need to do and not let Him down. Life goes on and so will I.
6. I was loved. I can say with certainty that Pierre loves me and I still love him. I miss him every day, but the tears are coming less often. I still think of him all the time, but I now do it with a little smile on my face because I know I was truly loved. I know he will be fine. He will move on and find someone new, someone who is everything I can't be for him.
I think she was writing this for me...
"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends -- they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything--they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go, too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them, actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half that makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
Marilyn Monroe.
