Good Morning!

Part of me wants to use this space to complain about the crappy things that have happened over the past two weeks. Another part of me knows that the best way to deal with the crap has nothing to do with what I write in my blog. Knowing that the second half is the better to listen to, I will choose to talk about something that makes me smile. 

Morning text messages. 

As you know, I am dating a super amazing guy. The only thing I would change about our situation is how far away we live from each other. I've never been good at the whole long distance thing, and with his 3 kids and my daughter, our "free time" to get together hasn't been quite ideal. Anyway, we do our best to be good parents and still find time to see each other. It's been over a week since I've seen him. We talk on the phone every day, we send text messages to each other, and although we don't see each other a lot, we communicate well with each other and it works. 

Every morning he texts me when he wakes up. It is something that means the world to me. That simple "good morning" says so much more. It says,  "I think of you when I wake up". And that makes me smile. Well, today was something different! We didn't get together last weekend. Both of us had our kids and a few too many obligations. We talked about getting together this weekend and remembered that again, our schedules have been overbooked. Getting together was looking like it wasn't going to happen. I was bummed, but hey, being bummed out isn't going to fix anything, right?

Well, this morning he made my day with this early morning text:

"Good morning sweetie! I've got to help one of the guys move this Saturday, so you and I should try to plan something this week because I can't go another week without seeing you."

My thoughts exactly!!! I mean, what is better than a Saturday night date? Um, Wednesday night date!! :)

It's things like this that remind me just how lucky I am to be loved by such an amazing man. 

One year ago...

Super Bowl Sunday. Not long ago it was just another day. It was a day that I could give or take, a day that as a child meant family gathered around a television and eating junk until you wanted to puke. We aren't huge football fans, I think it was more of an excuse to spend time together as a family. And the junk food. :)

I was thinking today about last years game. I honestly don't even know who played. All I know is that I spent the day somewhat like this:

I woke around 4:30 a.m. I was 5 months away from graduation in my RN program. I had a clinical scheduled up in Layton that started at 7:00. I don't remember much about that clinical experience, only that I had a lot more on my mind than becoming a nurse. My Grandma had broken her hip a month prior and her health was declining. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't speak, and to tell you the truth: she had given up.

My shift ended around 7pm, I made the hour and a half journey home, exhausted, just wanting to go to bed. I had school the next day and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to sleep. But sleep wouldn't come that night. I went down to the care center where my Grandma was, and was surprised at the amount of family that had gathered there. My sister was at the nurses station asking for a nurse or an aide to go in and get my grandma ready for bed. I took her arm and we walked back to the room and said, "I'll do it."

Everyone left the room except for my Aunt. They closed the door and left me to care for my Grandma. I carefully changed her into her pajamas, and my hands shook as I carefully put her arms through the sleeves of her nightgown. I knew the IV line wad dripping morphine and as a soon to be nurse I knew what that meant. Soon she would leave us. 

I carefully finished up and tucked her into bed. She was lifeless and still and I wanted to cry. I held it together. As the family came back into the room I felt it was time to leave. I said goodbye to everyone and headed home to bed. It wasn't more than an hour later that they called: Grandma had passed away. 

Hannah was sleeping in my bed when the call came. She woke up because I was crying so hard that the bed was shaking. She hugged me and we laid there and cried. I called my sister in Montana and woke her to tell her the news. She was expecting my call. I don't remember much more of that day in detail, but I do remember how I knew my life had changed forever. I wrote this to her that night:

Dear Grandma,

As I look back over time, I find myself wondering -
Did I remember to thank you enough for all you have done for me? For all the times you were by my side, to help and support me. To encourage me to be my best and not give up even though I was afraid to fail. You celebrated my successes and understood my problems. You were one of the first people to call when I had great news, and the last person I wanted to know about my mistakes, but you loved me in spite of my weakness. You understood my problems. Thank you for letting Hannah come and “tend you” so I could work and go to school. You taught me the value of hard work, courage and integrity. You taught me to drive a tractor and care for a farm. You showed me what love is by the way your eyes would twinkle when you spoke of Grandpa. I will never forget our drives to the farm and the long talks. I wonder if I ever thanked you for the sacrifices you made, the birthday cards, the $20 bill that always somehow appeared in my purse after we went anywhere and the “leftovers” you sent home, even though I knew all along you were cooking just for us. You were the best Grandma that anyone could ask for and I miss you already. Thank you for helping me become who I am. I love you.

I still miss her so much. I drive by her house still and miss sitting on the porch with her. 

I missed her at my graduation, but I felt her there.

And tonight I will take a drive... I will stop and buy some Oreo's and an IBC Rootbeer. I will listen to the radio and drive through Wallsburg. I will stop by the farm and remember some of the best years of my life. Then I will stop by the cemetery and visit the one very special lady.