A grumpy nurse venting...

I think when I look back on this past week I am going to have to call it like it is: this was the week from hell!

When I became a nurse I understood that my life was going to change. I understood that weekends and holidays and special occasions would occasionally have to take a backseat to my profession, and I was OK with that. It helps me out actually when Hannah goes to her Dads house for a holiday... I go to work so I'm not home feeling sorry for myself and I make a little extra money (loving holiday pay!). But here is where it gets interesting.
In my current position I am a pediatric home health nurse. I go to homes and  take care of children who are basically on life support at home. Some of these kids are on ventilators, feeding tubes, etc., but are stable enough to not be in the hospital. The nursing staff (me)  spends 8-12 hours a day with the patient giving medications, providing treatments and other nursing duties- not to mention giving the family a much needed break.
The families I work for are amazing. Although their lives are difficult, I have never seen such loving, compassionate people.
I was given the opportunity to become one of the on call nurses. Sounded fun. Thought it may look good on my resume someday and the extra pay would come in handy.
Boy was I wrong!!!
Being on call is hell. My "job description" is basically to put out fires until the office opens. If someone is sick, I find a replacement nurse, if a patient goes in the hospital, I call the nurse off. Sounds easy, right? Oh hell no! Add to this equation that we have kids that require 24 hour care, families who are burned out, flu season, nurses who don't answer their phones, and one tired, grumpy on call nurse. My boyfriend pointed this out to me Friday night. He asked me if I was ok, and of course I said yes. He then said something to the effect of ''you've been really quiet the last few times I've seen you, really serious, are you sure you are ok?" and I said yes again, then he said, "You're not thinking about breaking up with me are you?" That made me sad! I can't believe I let the stress of my job interfere with the best relationship I've ever been in. I have to fix this, and fast!
This is where I get annoyed. As I said before, I understood what becoming a nurse entailed, but it is obvious that not everyone became a nurse for the same reasons I did. The other night I had a very sick nurse (I obviously couldn't send her to work) and another family whose child had just been discharged from the hospital and needed a nurse that night. I made around 30 phone calls. Guess how many people answered their phones or returned my calls? 2. Yep, that's "two". Of all of those people I had two nurses who had the common decency to return a phone call. Anyway, I could complain about this all night, and you can imagine the earfull the office got from me this morning. Lucky for me I just spoke to the other on call nurse, and she  really needs the money---so she has offered to take my next week of on call, and I'm giving it to her!!! And I'm going to spend that time with my super cute boyfriend.  :)

Grandma

I don't remember ever dreaming about my Grandma when she was alive. Weird, I know. But I realized that the other day. Grandma left us in February, and ever since then it seems she visits me in my dreams on a regular basis. I dream of her in her home, usually surrounded by family, because that is what happened at Grandmas house. Her home was the place that family gathered, where meals were shared, and most of my childhood memories were made. We laughed, we cried, we fought. Her house was the first place we visited on holidays, she was the first phone call when good news happened. She always got the first pick on school pictures. Sometimes I pick up my phone and think about calling her and telling her when something good happens, but then I remember she isn't there. Every year I would go to her house around this time of year and put her Christmas tree up for her. I miss her. I miss our traditions. I miss our talks. I wish when she visited me in my dreams that she would talk to me. I want her to tell me she misses me, too. I want her to tell my how happy she is to be reunited with Grandpa and her son. I want her to tell me how proud she is of me for finishing nursing school. I want to tell her about Hannah and how much she has grown in the last year. I want to tell her about the amazing man I am dating and introduce them so that she will tell me that she approves. I hope that the next time she visits me that she has something to say. But then again, just to see her again, smiling and happy, is good enough for me.