I've been reflecting a lot the last month or so on life and the strange twists and turns that mine has taken. I won't air my dirty laundry here, but in the last 3 years I've experience, um, some crazy stuff...engagement, breakup, illness, unemployment, betrayal, heartbreak, depression, marriage, divorce, and the list goes on... Do you ever look back and think to yourself, "Wow...I can't believe I made it!" That's kind of where I am now.
Every once in a while I get the opportunity to get a little glimpse of what Heavenly Father has in store for me, and the other day was one of those days. After completing my RN and taking my test I had a lot of people tell me how hard it would be to get a job that would pay decent for a brand new nurse. I was worried how I would find a job I would enjoy and still be able to keep Hannah here at her school and get back on my feet. I was afraid that I had wasted the last two years, that I would end up in the same dead end job I had left to go to school. I know, I was listening to the wrong voices.
Then I half- heartedly applied for about 5 jobs and turned off my computer. I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be cool if I had an interview this week?" Within 5 minutes the phone rang. They wanted me to interview the next day. That was a Thursday. On Monday they offered me a job (starting Tuesday) but had one problem: They needed a nurse willing to take patients in the Heber area. Pediatric patients. Seriously? Was this a joke? Well, long story short it all just seemed to be falling in to place! Life is good right? Someone is looking out for me!
So here I am, I love this new job. Do I see myself doing this for the next 20 years? Maybe. Maybe not, but I feel deep in my heart that this is where I need to be. Right now. Not looking back or looking forward, but just living in the here and now. I see THIS piece of the plan.
It's hard for me to say, but I still have more lessons to learn when it comes to "the big picture." I get so caught up in the emotion of here and now that I forget that I am not in charge. I recently went through yet another breakup. With a broken heart and many unanswered questions I sought out the council of a good friend. Another lesson learned: Sometimes the answer is something you don't want to hear but need to. I was making myself crazy trying to put pieces together to understand what had happened, what I had done to create this catastrophe in my life, and my friend simply told me this: It looks like it really wasn't you, he just chose a different path. Remember our agency? Everyone has it. It doesn't mean you did something wrong, maybe it just means he had other options.
Ouch. It hurt. Again. But I needed to hear the truth. I'll fill you all in on that one later on. But for now all I can say is, hey, another lesson learned. Maybe one of these days I'll get it right. But until then, I'm just going to stay right here, right in this moment, and just be thankful for right now.
